Coursework Orals

After I presented my prospectus to the department in April, Dr. Fullmer asked me how I felt about my presentation. I answered, "It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be." She replied, "Nothing is as bad as you think it will be, except for your oral exams. They will be worse." She was so right.

The last few months I just kept thinking about the previous master's student who they failed. He is at Ohio State Medical School right now. If HE failed, how was I supposed to pass? What I didn't expect was that I would break down in the middle of my exams, in front of three professors who I am supposed to be trying to impress. The one professor who I know I don't communicate well with was my first examiner. He asked me a few questions, and then one that I didn't know the answer to. More like I didn't get what he was trying to get me to tell him. But he kept pushing and pushing. Hello! I still don't know the answer, just like I didn't five minutes ago. I started to tear up and that's when everyone jumped in and said it would be ok. That's what got me. If I am crying, the best way to get me to stop is to ignore me. The best way to turn me into a waterfall is to coddle me. I have never been like that. I am not some fragile creature who needs to be treated nicely and had pretty words spoken at her. It must have been all the stress.

After that is kind of a blur,.....I answered some questions about a transcriptional mechanism that I had never heard of until yesterday...did some damage control. Then they excused me and I had to wait for the decision. Pass! What? I honestly don't know how that happened.

And yet, I still don't feel good about it. I feel like I looked like an idiot in front of all of my professors. I studied SO much material that wasn't even brushed on. They maybe asked me questions on maybe 7% of the material that I studied. Even though I passed I don't feel like I have accomplished anything, and I am certainly not proud of my pass.